Stiar Wars
by FinalFantasyDude1
Summary: My version of Star Wars. Please R
1. The Pork

Luke Skywalker looked at his Jedi Trainer, Obi Wan Kenobi. Luke listened to Obi Wan all the time for advice, but never had he heard such rubish when Obi Wan told him this. "Use the pork, Luke." Luke looked very puzzled. "But, master, I thought we were supposed to use the force." "Don't question me, damn it! Now, just look inside your pocket." Obi Wan said getting angry at his apprentice's little belief in the pork.  
  
Luke looked into his pocket and pulled out the thing he saw. It was a piece of rotten pork and it smelled bad. "This pork is rotten you old fool. Can't I at least get a good piece of pork?" Luke said, holding the piece of pork as far away from his nose as possible. "Fine, you little brat, here is a good one." Obi Wan gave the good one to Luke and recieved the rotten piece. Finding out about the horrible the pork had, Obi Wan threw it out the door and hit one of the kids in training about using their minds. Being so rotten the pork actually burned the kid's face and sadly, it killed him.  
  
Obi Wan payed no attention to the kid that had just died. He asked Luke a question though, because he was so curious. "Why didn't the pork burn us?" Luke anwsered his question. "It didn't burn us because we are wearing gloves, duh." Obi Wan got angry and threw his gloves to the side of the room. He started walking up to Luke making fists out of his hands.  
  
As Obi Wan was doing this Luke found out that the pork he had now was more rotten then the other piece he had. Luke threw the piece of pork at him and it hit Obi Wan's middle fingers and burned them off. The pork disappeared from burning so badly. Obi Wan hurt badly but did not know his middle fingers were gone. He tried to stick them at Luke but Luke just laughed. Soon enough, Obi Wan realized his middle fingers had been burnt off.  
  
"You little poor brat, why did you have to do that?" Obi Wan said sadly. "Well, lets review, shall we. You were going to hit me you stupid old man." Luke replied. Obi Wan tried to stick his middle fingers at Luke again. "Damn, you so old you got all-timers! Your middle fingers are gone!" Obi Wan realized that and instead of sticking his middle fingers at Luke he stuck his pinky fingers at him. "These now mean what the middle fingers mean for me." Obi Wan said.  
  
"And just to tell you, Luke, you are a dumbass, that was the only rotten pork in the galaxy. So good job, you used it all." Luke looked at Obi Wan with an evil smile on his face. "Oh really, then why do I have some in my lunch box." Luke walked over to his lunch box and pulled out some rotten pork. "I was going to eat this, but, now that I see what it can do if it touches us I'm not going to." Luke then threw it at Obi Wan, hit his pinky fingers, and burned them off. "Damn you." Obi Wan said, and he walked out the building. 


	2. Powers of the Pork

Obi Wan traveled over to Yoda's house to tell him what had happened to his fingers. Yoda opened his door and laughed when he saw Obi Wan's four missing fingers. "Me see your apprentice burn fingers off. Hahahaha..." Yoda said to Obi Wan while making drinks for both of them. "But Yoda, this is a serious matter." Obi Wan said, taking a sip of the drink Yoda had made him. "That it is, the pork is strong with him, for he holds it in his lunch socks." "It's lunch box Yoda, lunch box."  
  
A voice could be heard in the distance, getting closer by the second. "Obi Wan, the old foolish man who has very short memory. Oh yes he has very short memory." Luke was singing that as he walked into Yoda's hut. Obi Wan tried to stick his middle fingers at Luke. "Right he is, short memory you do have." Once again, Obi Wan realized he had no middle fingers anymore.  
  
Luke bowed to Yoda for a polite greeting. "Strong, the pork is with you." Yoda said mistakenly in a New York accent. He smacked his chest twice and talked like he usually did again. "Give me the pork you have." Yoda said in a very serious voice. Luke looked at Yoda's hands and saw no gloves, just Yoda's skin. "But Yoda, you have no sign of protection, your hands will be burned badly." Luke said to Yoda. "Just give me it, it shall not burn me." With that Luke handed the pork to Yoda, so he would not get him too mad.  
  
Amazingly, it did not burn Yoda's hands. Luke looked stun at the sight of Yoda just holding it, without any sign of pain. Obi Wan put his gloves on, stole the piece from Yoda, and threw it at Luke's hands. "I have gloves on you idiot." Luke said, making a point that Obi Wan really did have memory damage. Yoda sat in the corner laughing as Luke put the pork back into his pocket. Obi Wan, now mad from being called an idiot, walked over to Luke to attack him. Yoda could sense this in his mind and attacked Obi Wan with his cane, eventually killing him.  
  
Yoda then looked at Luke. "Your first Jedi mission starts now, go kill Darth Skywalker. Wait, I've given away too much, his name is Darth Vader, go kill him." "But Yoda, why did you call him Darth Skywalker." Yoda started breathing extremely loud and hard. "Because...he is...your father." "Are you serious, Yoda?" "Hell no, I just made that up to freak you out." Luke then went on his way to find Darth Skywalker, I mean Darth Vader.  
  
A week took place before Luke found Darth Vader. "Luke...I am...your father." Darth said, breathing hard. "No you are not, Yoda already told me." "Damn...I wanted...to make...that statement...freak you out." Luke didn't reply, he just quickly threw his piece of pork at Darth Vader. The piece of pork burned through his ugly cheap plastic costume and killed him.  
  
One million years later Luke was still alive thanks to his power in the pork. Yoda was also still alive. Luke was fighting Mike Tyson in a boxing match. The first punch that hit Luke killed him. Yoda ran into the ring and bit Mike Tyson's ear off. "How do you like it?" Yoda yelled loudly. After that Yoda ran around the gym he was in poking people with his stick.  
  
THE END 


End file.
